I will die if light touches me.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
