She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
