And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
