I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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