I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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