it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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