So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
