Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
