shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
