My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
