2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
