During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
