thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
