He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
