I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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