Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
