Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
