There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
