He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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