you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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