oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Text me some of your sweat
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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