weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
