She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
