I never want to see another naked old woman again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
