his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
