Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
