I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
