ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
