i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
