it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
