I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
