hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
