He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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