Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
