glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
