his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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