My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
