so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
