I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
