summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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