i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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