So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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