i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
