Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
