Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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