Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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