How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
