What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
