Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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