I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
