dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
